Wha' Happened?

This is an opinion piece so, if you don’t like opinions that might not agree with yours, don’t read it. Wait until next week when I’ll get poetic about sweet potato pie, or some such thing.

The dust has settled on the last election and half the population is happy because their guy won, and the other half views with trepidation the next four years

The truth is that the Romney campaign was the most mismanaged campaign since McGovern, so badly run his advisors owe the public an apology. He should have fired everybody at the get-go and hired two very good speech writers and a drama coach. That campaign was classic 1980 political strategy; the trouble is that this is the second millennium. Back then negative campaigning was a no-no. You remained polite. You didn’t respond to outrageous accusations, no matter how slanderous. You remained quietly steadfast. This strategy today, unfortunately, makes you look like the little kid being tormented by the schoolyard bully (meaning the Dems) and not knowing how to fight back. Your classic wimp.

Uh huh. The Democrats came out swinging months in advance. They accused Romney of everything from being a felon to preying on the helpless old ladies. He remained silent, not saying a word while the public pleaded for some sign that he was a leader. Was this presidential? If he couldn’t slap the Dems upside the head for lying, how would he handle the Middle East despots? Would he just roll over and beg them to be nice? Newt Gingrich would have hit them like a freight train. We were looking for a leader and got nothing. Somebody who could make Iran behave.

Times have changed. These days voters elect a carefully visualized personality no matter how unqualified they are for the job. Did we not prove that in 2008? They don’t care about qualifications. They’re scared. They want a hero who will make everything better and they want to be told that in plain words. With writers it is called ‘building a platform’. Don’t even think of approaching an agent without one.

First comes the image: man of steel, resolute in the face of adversity, don’t-mess-with-me demeanor that bodes ill for you if you even dare to bully. Think 007, not Adam Sandler. Establishing a no-holds-barred persona by giving inspiring speeches a must. Demonstrate without doubt superior knowledge in everything, hopefully diminishing your opponent This is guerilla warfare.

You need the obligatory book about leadership, published about two years before declaring. Consider what great stories the truth about Bain Capital or the Olympics would have been in the hands of the right writer. Include heartfelt testimony about his belief in God.

Do not put up with debate commentators showing partiality. Humiliate their professionalism.

A hysterically laughing vice-Presidential opponent? Attack! Refer to them as laughing boy or Bobo. Very soon the word is out that this is a man to contend with.

And, of course, by all means, avoid sex. That’s the one thing both candidates did right. Will these men never learn?

One more thing. If you must hire advisors, make sure they studied politics either before Reagan or after 1998.