Sex and The Middle School.

An exchange of dialogue at the last Presidential Debate has me considering the way we teach sex to our youngsters about to enter puberty. I refer to Michelle Bachman's outrage at Gov. Rick Perry for ordering compulsory immunization against the Human Papilloma Virus for twelve year old girls.

This is a sexually transmitted disease that leads to uterine cancer later on. The problem is it has to be administered before there is any sexual activity. Ms. Bachman thought twelve year olds were too innocent to have to deal with such stuff.

Well, the truth is that if you put it off another year, you'll miss a percentage of girls. They are already active. Forgive me for not having the statistics, but I'm betting almost all middle schools in the country have had to deal with pregnant twelve or thirteen year old girls.

In our quest to embellish our life on this planet with all sorts of beliefs in family values and religious dogma, we forget that man is a mammal whose purpose on this earth is to be born, procreate, and die.

It's the procreate we have trouble with. Suddenly girls are awash in hormones that feel like true love. There is that other very human fear of being alone--cut from the herd--left out. How is a young female going to come through this jungle unscathed unless we teach them about their bodies? It isn't love, stupid; it's a hormone called copulin.

The mystery is explained in my book, The Alien, (unpublished). The five commissioners of the planet Agra, who are all species of moss, are discussing human procreation.

"It sounds most inefficient to me, this requirement for two people," Four said. "I don't understand this male-female thing. Why do they need both?"

Five replied, "My research indicates it is because of the rather involved human procreation process. Periodically, the female produces eggs, which are like our spores, and holds them inside her body. The male fertilizes them, and when they have grown into small humans, they are shed by the female and nurtured until they can live independently."

"It sounds rather chancy to me.” Three said, “What if the male isn’t interested? How does the female compel the male to fertilize?"

Five answered. "The male has little choice in the matter. His nose controls him. The female has scent glands behind her ear. When she has an egg ready she emits a scented hormone called 'Copulin.' Glands in nearby males are stimulated by this odor to produce another hormone, testosterone, in their saliva. They put their mouths together─Earthlings refer to this action as kissing─and the saliva arouses the female, encouraging further male activity. Fertilization takes place."

Three asked, "Why can't she fertilize them herself, like we do?"

Two shifted restlessly. "Really, One. This is most tedious. Must we discuss it further? I don't care how procreation is accomplished and I don't want to learn."

Five intervened, "We cannot strategize victory if we don't understand what motivates these creatures. We have essential oils regulating our behavior; humans have hormones. The mystery is that the human nose cannot detect these substances, which dominate their behavior to a great degree, subconsciously. They are not aware they are being motivated by their hormones."

"Considering how rapidly humans multiply," Two intoned critically, "I should think they would be educated at an early age to be aware of this and control their response."

So there you have it. The next time a boy tries for sex with a girl too young, she can simply chalk it up to hormones and tell him to get lost.